The Daily Item, Sunbury, PA

Going Dutch

January 11, 2014

Drop Words — Save Time

Part 2

If you can’t eliminate a word, perhaps you can combine. “Come here,” requires a pause between words, which takes time. What a waste. But say, “Kum-mear,” and you’ve not only eliminated the pause, you’ve earned yourself an extra split second in your day. Smart.

Now, much as I hate to contradict myself, I cannot account for icening. No, that’s not a typo. You read it right. Icening. I don’t know how to explain it, but some Pennsylvanians frost their cakes with icening, which adds a syllable to the more common icing, thereby dragging the word out and taking more time to say it.

My only guess is, icing is a pretty frivolous item in the first place: You’ve got cake. You mean to tell me you need icening to go with? So maybe, while they’re being so lavish in making a cake and even the icing to put on it, they just lose all sense of selfrespect and drawl out words with a total disregard for time.

 It’s disgraceful. I say, let this be a lesson to all of us: laziness breeds laziness. Now, I realize those are harsh words for the icening lovers among us, but I believe in calling a spade a spade, and if anyone wants to fight me over it, I just have to say, “Kum-mear and say that! And you’d better bring your army with!” But let’s be reasonable.

I like icing, too, and if there’s a big bowl of it sitting around somewhere, everybody grab a spoon and dig in. There’s no need to start the fight until the icening is all.

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