The Daily Item, Sunbury, PA

Going Dutch

March 13, 2014

Evil spirits or just fehunst? - Part 2

- — In another scenario, if you dash out to the hay ride anyhow, dripping hair and all, and in your eagerness to get to the cute vampire you trip in the wagon and plunge head-first into a pile of loose hay and come up looking like a porcupine and everyone laughs, you might be fehunst.

If, however, you manage to play it cool — smooth the hair out of your eyes and lose the apple before the vampire sees it — and saunter out to the hay ride with romance on your mind, and climb onto the wagon just as a bolt of lightning hits it and the whole thing catches on fire and the vampire leaps over the side and flings his arms open and shouts “Jump!” and you jump at the exact same time Cleopatra does, realizing in midair that he meant her, and he cradles her in his strong arms while you slam into the ground, banging your head just hard enough to lose consciousness for a while, and open your eyes to find a blue-painted Smurf slapping your cheeks ... well, if that happens, you just might be fehexed.

If you’re fehunst you can try to be more careful, but if you’re fehexed, you might as well go right back inside and fress on some candy corn and orange cupcakes, because nothing you do will turn out right that day.

The Pennsylvania Dutch are a hardworking, no-nonsense bunch who understood days like that, and perhaps that’s why they came up with things like round barns and hex signs to ward off the evil spirits who like to toy with us. But we can’t blame everything on spooks and goblins, so watch your step. Chances are you’re not fehexed at all; you’re just fehunst!

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