The Daily Item, Sunbury, PA

December 30, 2013

Got the right paperwork for that manure?

14 laws you need to know before visiting D.C.


---- — 1. A boat used as a restaurant cannot dock without prior approval of the Mayor.

2. An establishment may not allow more than one accordion to be played for entertainment.

3. Bridges must be clear of sheep between 6 and 10 am.

4. Manure may not be deposited without a permit.

5. No boxing contest shall be conducted, and no contestant shall engage in a contest, between opposite sexes.

6. No person shall stand in a roadway for the purpose of soliciting a ride from the driver of any vehicle.

7. No preaching, exhorting, or lecturing shall be conducted for a total of more than thirty days at any single location.

8. Non-prescriptive sunglasses, hats, clothing that exposes armpits, a bare back or midriff, see-through clothing, and accessories with protruding metal spikes are not be worn in school.

9. One may not dance for more than twelve hours in any twenty four hour period.

10. One may not operate a surf board while on a hallucinogen.

11. One may not take photographs for more than 5 minutes in a public location.

12. One may not whistle in the bathroom.

13. Santa Claus may not be used to sell alcohol.

14. Women cannot be employed to dance with men.